Mary Jo Rapini

Mary Jo Rapini is an author, speaker, and clinical practicing psychotherapist.

Originally from Stevens Point, Wisconsin, Rapini grew up in a household with eight other siblings, and she was particularly close with her father.

“I have more memories of my father’s counsel than my mother’s because she was a schoolteacher during the day, whereas my dad worked at night, so I spent more time with him during the day,” Rapini says of the man who provided for his massive family, while still devoting time to his children.    

“I don’t know when he slept. He was incredibly high-energy and just an overall outstanding man.”

In high school, Rapini ran track and was the homecoming queen.

She was also very studious and planned on becoming a nurse, albeit in a locale outside her hometown.

“Even as a twelve-year-old, I knew I didn’t want to stay in my hometown forever, that the city wouldn’t be able to contain me,” Rapini recalls.

“My dad always joked that I would marry a nice boy from Stevens Point and never leave, but obviously that prediction did not come to fruition,” she adds with a laugh.

Post-high school, Rapini did indeed begin studying to become a nurse, at which point she met her husband, who was a physician.

Together, they moved to Iowa City for three years.

“During that time I was doing nursing, but I also told my husband that I wanted to become a psychologist,” Rapini says, then remarking how in Iowa City she worked in the neonatal ICU, where she was routinely tasked with talking to parents whose children were on the brink of death.

Despite the overwhelming stress that position brought, Rapini relished the role, and soon parents began specifically asking for her therapy.

“I was very good at talking to the parents whose children were dying, and even when the children were really sick, the parents would ask for me to speak with them,” notes Rapini, who thrived at listening to the fears of parents, and sympathizing with how scary and unpredictable their respective circumstances were.

Rapini and her husband later moved to Denver, where Rapini earned her psychology degree, and within a few years the couple transitioned to Houston, where Rapini did her graduate work.

At that point, she became a licensed psychologist and started seeing patients.

“That’s when I really got into family and relationships,” she says.

Since then, Rapini has steadily evolved as a mental health professional, to the point that she got into television working for PBS, TLC, and later FOX.

She also began creating content on YouTube and social media.

“I’m very good at being concise and encapsulating crucial information into consumable soundbites that people can derive a lot of value from,” Rapini mentions.

It’s taken a long time to develop a following online, but today Rapini is a trusted source for people who are looking for therapeutic relief, without having to shell out thousands of dollars to sit down with a trained professional.

“My thing was always about trying to find out how I can give quality therapy at a low cost because it is so difficult to get good therapy at an affordable price,” Rapini says.

“And I quickly learned that when I am making a YouTube video, it’s like I am doing therapy, but they don’t have to come into an office.”

Her content touches on an array of subjects, but Rapini has captured the attention of younger viewers, of both genders, who are mired in dating purgatory.

For context, the internet is rife with influencers and content creators who purport that the sky is falling in modern dating, that men and women are incompatible because women are inherently hypergamous, and consequently everyday men are unqualified to land a suitable mate.

For her part, Rapini works to dispel those dire forecasts and bring the genders together, and while she doesn’t believe that modern dating is a hopeless wasteland for marriage-minded individuals, she has noticed some disturbing trends in the way young men and women interact romantically.

“What happened with modern dating is sex has become a commodity,” Rapini boldly states.

“Sex has become something that people just expect, and there is now very little regard for the sanctity and sacredness of that act.”

Rapini adds that the devaluation of sex has benefited the demographic of men who are purely interested in noncommittal relationships with women, but for the men who are serious about finding a wife and building a family, they have to overcome the fact that many women today have become conditioned to expect that most men only want a casual and sexual connection.

“The women who are looking for marriage and are conscious of their biological clock want to find a man who can provide and be an adequate partner, but they’re skeptical of men and their intentions,” Rapini explains.

“This has resulted in a dating landscape where a lot of people are not being honest because they don’t want to be rejected, and they’re also subconsciously fearful that relationships just won’t work out.”

To further enhance her point, Rapini believes that relationships should not be a causal ordeal, and that when two people agree to begin seeing each other, there should be an inherent level of respect that each party exhibits toward the other person, so as not to potentially cause severe damage to one’s emotional health.

“Relationships are serious, and you should be mindful of the fact that it involves two people, and if you don’t approach that relationship correctly, then that’s how people get hurt,” Rapini says.

Moreover, marriage-minded people would also benefit from taking a more selfless approach to the proceedings, and prioritizing their partners needs and wants just as much as their own.

It would also help if the two are in alignment on the vast majority of their values and principles.

“Before I got married, my husband and I were both religious. We didn’t share the same denomination, but I had so much conviction in what I believed, and he was open to adopting my faith, that he made the switch so that we could be spiritually aligned when we raised our children. That entire endeavor made us stronger,” says Rapini, who notes that it’s not religion itself that fortifies marriages, but a shared belief and vision about how to best live our life and raise our children.  

“I have even seen couples who are not necessarily religious succeed, and that’s because they make the relationship bigger than themselves, which again is really the key to establishing a long-lasting foundation.”

For those looking to find marriage in 2024, particularly younger people, attracting and maintaining a spouse can seem daunting, but in a landscape where labels and commitment have been replaced by romantic nonchalance and unfiltered hedonism, Rapini advises being vocal and straightforward during the courtship process.

“You have to make marriage your intention,” Rapini emphasizes.  

“You can’t just say I’m leaving it up to God, or if it’s meant to be it will be. That’s not how it works.”

Adds Rapini:

“A lot of people are afraid to state what they want, but you have to be bold, courageous, and advocate for what you want.”

Another element to that equation involves environment, and making sure that when you’re looking for a spouse, you’re not frequenting nightclubs and social events that aren’t conducive to your end goal.

“For example, if I was trying to get married today, I would not go to a bar to find a husband,” Rapini says.

“That’s likely not a place where I’m going to meet a man who is looking for the same things that I am, so in that sense putting yourself in proximity to the people who want what you want, that’s most likely to result in you getting your desired outcome.”

It’s this type of sage wisdom and genuine care for others that has garnered Rapini online acclaim and landed her speaking gigs across the country, and now, Rapini is looking to expand her efforts.

In the coming years she wants to write another book (she’s already authored one and co-authored two others), and further grow her YouTube channel.

She also wants to develop a pre-engagement course with Hafeez Baoku, a leader in the men’s fashion and lifestyle space, a partnership Rapini believes will only help those who are lost in the mercurial and unforgiving domain that is dating in modern America.

“Ultimately, I want to work with people and platforms who are forces for good in the world,” Rapini says.

“And by good I mean curating content that people can hang onto and get actionable advice that will enrich their lives, because as individuals that’s how we can get better. I can’t change the current social paradigm or alter how the government operates, but I can impact people on a small scale, and that alone will hopefully allow people to live better and more fulfilled lives.” QS

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